I feel old today, but maybe it's because it was my first day back to work after partying in NYC. I wanted to go hang out there, and my good friend from college (Ying) decided she wanted to come along. So I first went to visit her in Ohio and then we jetted to NYC together. She can't keep up with me walking all over the city as she's relatively out of shape compared to before. I didn't tell anyone I was in town; I just wanted to enjoy NYC and go to museums and be a tourist. It's really hard to keep that sort of information from my friends, though. And I guess there would be no reason to keep it from anyone except if they start to get offended that I'm not visiting them.

I finally got my LASIK surgery done last week. I don't see that well at night yet, but I don't have the halo side effect. The contrast just isn't that good yet, so reading street signs at night has been difficult. I hope it gets better! I did realize how few friends I had here, though. I was going to get a taxi to go home, but someone told me I would be bandaged up afterwards. Eventually, my sister-in-law came all the way to the surgeon's office (>1 hour drive) to pick me up and bring me back to my family's house. She's had it done before, and felt that I shouldn't recover alone. My brother is on a business trip, but she and my mom are home. So for the most part, I slept since I was light sensitive and my eyes kept tearing. Our dog, Baby, was funny. She lay next to me while I was snoozing on the couch, sort of protecting me. She could have gotten into a lot of trouble with my mom, who doesn't allow her in the living room. I think my mom pretended not to notice, though, and let her stay nearby. The next day, I could have driven, but I had left my car back in SF.  I took the train and Anna and Doug kindly picked me up. They took me to my optometrist appointment for a post-surgery follow-up. Then we had lunch and they dropped me off at the train station so I could go back to the city. I was really amazed at how reasonably ok I could see just 24 hours after the surgery. I think my reading vision was 20/20, but my distance vision was 20/50.

On another note, I met a tall Chinese guy at work (by tall, I mean 6 ft [1.83 m]. He's new to the Project Management group. My group went under that one for now. I don't feel like I'm part of the group at all, though. Anyway, we met in march on his first day in the PM group. He's not a new employee, though. Apparently, he moved from the Chemistry department. He wears interesting eyeglasses and seems to be of mixed races. I haven't felt giggly about someone in a while. We talked in a "How to manage a meeting" seminar, and he said to my colleague and me that we should have lunch sometime. He hasn't asked, though. Also, why do I keep finding scientists?!

I went to T's birthday party last weekend. I really didn't want to go, but I felt obligated. I felt like I was in college. He was tipsy after a few drinks and then was crawling on the floor and acting like an idiot. He was hanging on to my legs and being dramatic. I guess he likes me, but the feeling is not mutual, especially if he's that immature at 36 years old. It's not that I can't have a good time and act silly. Maybe I'm just intolerant after having my previous landlord Nate hit on me for the last 7-8 months. I guess I'll have to avoid his phone calls now. Recently, T also made me a pear tart, which is nice, but a bit overwhelming.

I saw The Strokes last night, but I wasn't that impressed. They sounded blah since the venue wasn't great. I thought I wasn't going to see many shows this year since I have to pay more rent and buy furnishings. Gosh, that seems like I'm in Target or furniture stores everyday! I can't find a bed that is reasonably priced and not made of particle board. Sigh.

It's over! I finally moved! I found a flat a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't able to get out of the foggy neighborhood I've lived in since I moved to SF, but that's life. I even started to consider a roommate situation when I couldn't find a place on my own. I met a nice Asian guy (whom I'll call T). He had an accent, which I couldn't place. When I met him, I realized he was French. I couldn't help but feel weary because of my experience with Arnaud. He did offer me the room in the house he was renting with his good friend. When I found out I was able to get my own place, I turned down his offer. He works for a cable tv company and kindly gave me some special offers for moving my service to my new place. I didn't ask for them, so I kept refusing, but he insisted. To be nice, I told him he could let me know if he wanted to try this restaurant he had seen in my neighborhood. In fact, we met on Sunday, the day I moved. It was a nice time because we hit it off.

The day I moved, Nate acted really weird. He offered to help in case my family didn't show up, and said that we'd go to lunch afterwards. My family and friends came, and we moved while Nate was out (which wasn't intentional). After we had lunch, I came back into the house and collapsed on the couch next to Nate. He asked if we went to lunch. I was offended by the question because it seemed to imply that I was socially inept (i.e., I didn't have the common sense to take out the people who came to help). Maybe he was upset I didn't invite him. I'm so tired of his passive-aggressive behavior.

I was too tired to move some clothes in the closet, so I left a few things behind in Nate's house. He kept telling me not to stress and that it's no problem.

I don't know what's worse--traveling for work or apartment hunting! I was relatively confident that I'd hear about those 2 apartments I liked, although I continued to look this week. But I have heard nothing and now I'm beginning to think that landlords are scamming renters by getting money for their so-called credit checks.

I really overbooked myself yesterday by going to class all day, meeting former coworkers for coffee and then meeting Stephanie at the DNA Lounge for a night of 80's music. I'm surprised I stayed awake, but I did need to get out to destress. I've been having such a bad time at work because I can't seem to concentrate. Nate has been bothering me about going out to some wine bar. I don't mind going if Philip or someone else comes along, but I'm not sure those are his intentions. So I end up spending much of my day not writing but surfing on craigstlist.org for apartments so that I can get the hell out of this house. I know I will get some sort of a raise, but our Director is very cheap about salary, so I'm not too confident that I can pay $1500-1800 for a nice place, nor do I want to. I know I shouldn't complain since for that money, you can only get a studio in NYC whereas I can get a one bedroom in SF.

I saw a 2 apartments this past week that are potential candidates. I'm now officially driving people crazy by asking them which one they would choose, even though I haven't been offered either! One is in the southern part of the city where it's more sunny and would shorten my commute. It has an old stall shower that I used to have in a studio on Long Island, and has only 1 large closet and a smaller dinky one. The other one pushes me 5 blocks west from where I am now, deeper into the fog. However, it has 2 large closets and one small one, a gas stove, but no laundry facilities in the building. Sigh... decisions decisions! They are supposed to call me this weekend to tell me if I am getting the apartment.

Yesterday was a long day. I was at class all day and then rushed back to go to the ballet with Anna and Doug. It was a performance of "Swan Lake", which I've seen before. While the principal dancers were amazing, the rest of the company wasn't as consistent.

Today was also busy because I spent it apartment hunting. I saw a bunch of crappy stuff and I'm amazed at what's out there. I wasn't looking at studios/one bedrooms before, so I'm not sure if the market has always been like this. It seems like I need to spend $1600+ to get something sort of decent, without moving further west and deeper into the foggy part of the city.

Whew, how did it become February?! I had a pretty boring January. I didn't end up going to any concerts. I was supposed to see a couple of small gigs, but they didn't happen for one reason or another. I think Stephanie is mad at me for bailing on her on 2 occasions. For the Editors show, I would have had to wait outside for a while, not even sure if I could get in. She had class, so there were no guarantees that she can get before I got inside (if I could even get inside). The band has just gotten too big to fit in a little club.

I might see Sunita tomorrow. I have been very worried about her. I know things aren't good with her husband, but I don't know if other stuff is going on. I don't seem to know how to get people to talk to me. I noticed that no one calls me, although my SF friend Darcy did make an effort to get together with me a couple of weeks ago. I am worried that I am going to become a hermit if I live alone. After 3 weeks of looking for a new place to live, I have to say that I'm more convinced that I need to live on my own. While it's scary to be finally putting down roots in SF (I haven't owned a knife, fork or spoon since I left Long Island 5 years ago), I guess maybe I have to face that reality. While I have plenty of other crap when I move, it's been nice not having to worry about how to move a couch. Anyway, while I met a couple of nice people for potential shares, the rents were high enough that the cost of a share is pretty close to that of my own apartment. And after coming home last month to find the door wide open and Nate (landlord/housemate) sleeping, I know I should live on my own. In addition, his ridiculous announcements that I'm his dog's "mom" and that we're going to get married are enough for me to not want to move into his new house with him.

While I would have considered living with Philip, my other housemate, he can't seem to get his act together to visit open houses to potentially buy one. A few weeks ago, I couldn't go with him to see houses and he ended up not going at all. He needs a swift kick in the butt, but I'm not going to be his surrogate mother. How did I end up with guys who can't get through life? I have seen many childish men here, but maybe they are like this everywhere.

I've enjoyed the low-key January I had. I had more time to myself to catch my breath after 2 crazy months of traveling. I am going to the gym more often now. The pains in my arms have gotten worse. My new acupuncturist told me to lay off the computer. I guess that's my cue....

I just got back from class. I'm pretty tired, but stupid enough to still be up after a long day. I was crazy enough to take a second all-day Saturday class starting this weekend. I hope these don't kill me!

I think Darcy and I are ok. I see her becoming like Arnaud, who has become a hermit (IMHO). When I saw him in September, he said he hadn't had sushi or gone to a such restaurant in one year. I don't know how to change his attitude about people, but I know I shouldn't even try because he won't change.

Happy (Lunar) New Year! Yay! I love having Lunar New Year. Mom wanted to give me money, which is traditional, but I refused. She gave me a little something for "good luck", she said, and because I sent my nephew and niece money for new year's. I wish she would quit trying to pay me back for things and to give me money on my birthday, etc. She receives so little from the government to live on! Speaking of the government, I'm afraid Sam Alito will be be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice. That would suck so bad if all his votes are extremely conservative. I'll seriously need to consider moving to Canada if that happens.

I will likely be missing Coachella this year. Damn those work-related conferences! I am supposed to be in Europe for work at that time. Depeche Mode is headlining and playing a show in the Bay Area, which I'll be missing AGAIN! Well, this only makes my crazy trip in Dec. all the more worth it. I hope they play elsewhere before I leave so that I can catch another one of their shows.

I'm not sure what the hell I wrote, but my belated thank you card to Darcy really freaked her out. Gosh, what the hell is wrong with my memory?! Either short- or long-term events don't stick. Is it the water around here? My boss has been very forgetful too. He told Rose, the latest addition to our group, that all the data in this one database were made up. WTF?! I spent WEEKS putting in live data!! F*** him! I have to say that she does get all his attention now, like the brown-nosing assistant told me. She (the assistant) said, "I was the favorite until you came. When the next person comes, he/she will be the boss' favorite", etc. How messed up is that philosophy? I shouldn't be buying into it. It will just make me paranoid like my other job did. I need to concentrate on moving into a better department. Ours is known as problematic already. With 4 people leaving in 3 months, I wouldn't be surprised if we were being watched.

I got back from Phoenix earlier. It was a nice time with Darcy. We went to the Botanical Gardens. Though she had never been there before, she seemed ok with going there. I never know if the guest or host should prepare the "itinerary" during a visit. My friend Ying always asks what I want to do when I visit her. I get irritated because how am I supposed to know where to go if I don't live there?! On the other hand, if she gave me a few choices, I would be obliged to decide where we would go.

Darcy and I saw "Brokeback Mountain", which was a nice movie. It was intelligent, full of feeling and beautiful. The cinematography was just gorgeous.

I feel like a blithering idiot lately. I'm not reading much in the way of intellectual materials. I noticed when I used to talk to Sandrine, the French postdoc, that my speaking skills rapidly deteriorated because I became accustomed to her poor grammar. I have to find a way to read more. Hell, I need to find a way to exercise but that hasn't happened in about 2-3 months because of all my travels. I don't know what the hell I'm doing half the time such that I end up not going to the gym. I wasn't winded as Darcy and I were walking around Phoenix-- thank goodness because I would have been so embarrassed considering she can running 5-10 miles! But it was pretty sunny (something I'm not used to) and relatively warm.

I'm not sure if the visit brought us closer or not. I'm not sure if 2 days with each other was too much for her. It made me think of my LA trip with Stephanie. After the 2nd day, I didn't know what to say. I could sense hesitance from Darcy, almost like she didn't want to open up to me in person. Then again, Luong says I think too much and that I am too analytical. I should let things go. I am better at letting many things go than many years ago, but I guess I still have my work cut out for me.

My hunt for an apartment has begun. I met a nice woman who lives near Alamo Square, home to the most photographed Victorian homes in SF. I am not sure if I can go back to sharing a bathroom after having had one of my own for 2 years, but the potential housemate is a Tibetan Buddhist who can speak Mandarin Chinese (probably better than I can!).

Today, I saw a one bedroom that was run down, but a good size for the rent, and even came with a parking spot. That is sort of rare in SF. I put in my application but I feel like I can get it. I was the first one there. One worry I have is the door that leads to the bedroom. It leads to this wood plank balcony and the yard in the back. Being from the NY/NJ area, I fear it could lead to break-ins.

I started taking classes this week. I am hoping for a move into something else in the biotech world. However, I'm a little bit unhopeful since my friend Amy has tried to transition out of one function for 3+ years and hasn't been successful yet.

I saw 2 former coworkers tonight. It was a cheery get-together. Madelyn can be very moody and I think she's gotten cool with me because I kept putting her off when she wanted to take a road trip somewhere. I was afraid I'd be walking on eggshells all the time (due to her moodiness) and never went on a trip with her. Laura is a sweet woman whom I used to talk to in the evenings since she generally didn't leave until 6:30 pm. She is very interested in plays and probably knows many famous ones like the back of her hand. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to see my grade school friend who is here for work. It's been a busy week.

All I really wanted to do was stay in bed and stare at the ceiling, but I went to my mom's on Friday night. It was her birthday on Sunday and my brother and sister-in-law weren't going to be home (He was going to Vegas for work and she decided to go for the weekend). Unfortunately, my mom drove me crazy and I couldn't stay long enough to take her out for dinner on Sunday. I was so exhausted that I just had to leave before I didn't have the energy to drive home. She was too damn polite and insisted on taking me out to dinner on Sat. Though it wasn't her birthday on that day, I don't think it was right for her to take me out, period. She kept nagging and her tone was just too irritating for me, though, and I sort of knew I wouldn't last until dinner on Sunday.

I hope to visit my friend Darcy soon. She is running various races, so I hope there is a good date for her schedule. I'm getting a bit anxious about it because she hasn't let me know which weekend works. I need to book a ticket soon. Although I've known her for 23 or so years, we've only met 4 times. I hope to rectify that in the future. I feel close to her because I know I can tell her anything, yet I feel distance from her because I don't even really know what her favorite color is or what she likes to eat.

Thank goodness work wasn't too "painful" today. It was a relatively light day. My acupuncturist asked me to come in for more intensive treatments last week. They didn't work that well and now she wants me to try her professor to see if he can help relieve my tendonitis (to try something called tui na). I didn't mean to tell my boss that I didn't want to do conference-related travel and work too often in the future, but I ended up telling him about the intensive treatments. He freaked out because 2 others in his group went out on medical disability for tendonitis. It wouldn't look good if I (#3) also went on disability. He is going to revise the job posting for someone to do this sort of work.

I am glad to get that news off my chest and now feel like I can take some classes in something else because I don't want to be doing medical writing for too much longer. I hope it's not too late to sign up for those classes.

I am irritated with my landlord, Nate. He told me before I went to DC that we needed to move out by the end of Feb. Not much notice, in my opinion! Anyway, I called Philip to ask if he was also told that. He, of course, doesn't remember anything that made that much impact in his head. He said there were no drop-dead dates told to him as there were to me. He promised me that he would ask Nate when he came back from visiting his brother. I guess they talked and Nate told him the end of March. I'm not too happy about the date moving around, but maybe there is more time.

Happy new year! I just got back from LA. It was a bit rough of a drive because of various accidents. I ended up doing all the driving. I didn't mean to, but I didn't want Stephanie to try to drive my car for the first time in the a traffic jam. It went ok in the car. We did talk a lot on the trip there since we hadn't seen each other in a little while and then less on the way back. I just totally suck at making conversation these days.

We went to the party that Carlos (of Interpol) DJ'ed. It was a poor turnout, but he played fun music and I was dancing a lot. Since CA clubs/bars close by 2 am, we continued the party in our hotel room. We even got busted for loud music. It was too funny. I think we went to bed at 5 am or something. I couldn't keep my eyes open for too much longer even though I didn't drink much.

It was pouring on the way there and somewhat on the way back. At least New Year's Eve wasn't rainy. We went to various bars the night before New Year's, and guys were definitely on the hunt. Strange guys kept talking to one of us four women. I haven't seen such aggressive men since I last went to the NY clubs.